Today is my birthday, but it doesn’t feel like my birthday.
I woke up and completely forgot it was my birthday to begin with. Something that was once enjoyable doesn’t seem to have that same affect on me anymore. Is it because I’m just getting older? Or is it because I’m still upset that my birthdays won’t ever be the way I’d like them to be? Well, you probably know the answer on that one.
It’s a rough day to deal with, if I’m being honest. It’s hard to be social media, seeing everyone tell me “happy birthday, hope this year treats you well” when all I want is an embarrassing birthday post from my mom like she used to do. It may seem like a silly thing to be upset about, a silly thing to want to experience but I miss it.
Last years birthday wasn’t any easier to deal with, being that it was my 21st. It was a harder pill to swallow knowing that last year I’d already made plans for my birthday with my mom and then everything happened. It still is hard to deal with.
Today is my birthday and I shouldn’t focus on the fact that I won’t get a silly birthday post from my mom, but I can’t help it. As much as I’ll try to keep good spirits today, it’ll be a lingering thought in the back of my head all day. It’s bittersweet to reach this point in my life, but hey, at least I’ve made it this far!
I am 22 today and I’m proud of who I am, thanks to my mom. And although it may not be the Birthday I’ve always invisioned, I’m glad that I still have my family surrounding me with endless amounts of love and support.