My life is in a constant state of “what if”. I ask myself several times a day what if I never did this or that, where would I be now? Would I be happy? Would I even be in the current situations I’m in now? Would I still be here in state? What would I be doing if I’d just done ______?
I know most people probably assumed I’d ask “what if my mom never had her stroke?” Which, you wouldn’t be totally wrong but I’ve been there before. I’ve asked myself time and time again and all it does is upsets me. It kills me to think what life could’ve been if we’d been more persistent on her going to the doctors. If we’d just been more consistent with being concerned for her health. There’s just so many “what if’s” to think about when it comes to her.
My biggest “what if” right now is what if I never left school? Would I still be perusing a degree in psychology or would I have switched to English or just double majored? Would I, myself, be prepparing for my senior year in college, getting ready for graduation? Would I still be here at home or would I be arranging things to move after graduation? That’s my biggest what if and that’s what’s killing me right now.
I always had potential and it’s sad that someone who was supposed to be supportive and helpful to me, just berated me and made me feel stupid instead. I wanna go back to school, finish my degree and who knows what else, but as of now that’s the plan. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go back, but I have every intention to finish, you can bet that!
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